Bankers cautious on Eurozone breakup

While some banks are calling for contingency plans in the case of the breakup of the Eurozone, a large majority of investment banks, hedge fund managers, and responsible commentators are saying "hold on a minute."

"Where am I supposed to put the money?" said Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs. "As CEO, I'm committed to maximizing corporate profits, and while Goldman Sachs will obviously make bank on this one that will make the real estate bubble look like a pinprick, I personally haven't even figured out what to do with my bonus from that yet."

Most economists agree that a breakup of the Eurozone would mean an immense realignment of riches, and complain that the term "percent" is becoming particularly unwieldy in describing the distribution of wealth. "My friends and I can't even explain how rich we are anymore. Saying 'We're the 0.00001%' is too hard to understand," lamented hedge-fund manager Peter Thiel. U.S. lawmakers are studying proposals for mandating use of a new term "permega", in which percentages would be replaced by fractions based on a million, as part of the recently introduced Division Is So Hard (DISH) Act.

Tax experts welcome the possibility of change, saying that they are running out of zeros when expressing tax liability to their clients. "You need to pay 0.0000001% of your income in tax this year" is just too hard for many of my esteemed colleagues to follow, said H&R Block CEO William Cobb. "Keep in mind, most investment bankers have graduated in the past 5-10 years from top educational institutions in the United States, and although they all got straight As and graduated at the tops of their classes, so did everyone else."

Although momentum has been significant on the DISH act, with ten co-sponsors in the Senate, opposition is growing. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) is leading the charge against such a change, arguing that math isn't the problem and the tax code itself is at fault. "We can't keep applying the same logic, putting another zero in front of the tax burden of our nation's most productive workers. My smartest staffers tell me that by simply putting a minus sign in front of the tax rate we could reverse the trend and start getting those numbers under control, especially for workers in the affected brackets. We wouldn't have to invent a new symbol, either."

Notwithstanding these efforts by legislators to soften the blow, plans are proceeding apace to launch new currencies in place of the Euro. "We're still trying to work out how we can absorb all of the wealth of the Euro, as well as all of the wealth in the new currencies that will be introduced," said Mr. Blankfein. "We applaud the efforts of our friends in European governments to include us in discussions on how to build a variety of efficient banking systems that will benefit world economic growth."

However, Mr. Blankfein sounded a note of caution on current U.S. legislative efforts to ease the transition. "Of course we appreciate all of the help we can get, but right now that's up to the European Union. The U.S. government should stay focused on efforts to finance the next round of bailouts."

AGPL revisited: how MongoDB licensing differs from MySQL

Now that the Affero General Public License (AGPL3) is actually being used by successful projects, I'm looking at it again. Specifically, MongoDB is AGPL3 licensed, and it is being used for commercial applications. But how?!? I though the AGPL was complete communism, and that's what excited me so much about it - one touch of the the brush, and the whole batch of milk is stained vermillion, and your entire enterprise now belongs to Richard Stallman so he can use it to fund GNU HURD.

The AGPL actually has some pretty fixed boundaries:

A compilation of a covered work with other separate and independent works, which are not by their nature extensions of the covered work, and which are not combined with it such as to form a larger program, in or on a volume of a storage or distribution medium, is called an "aggregate" if the compilation and its resulting copyright are not used to limit the access or legal rights of the compilation's users beyond what the individual works permit. Inclusion of a covered work in an aggregate does not cause this License to apply to the other parts of the aggregate.

Upon reflection, the AGPL isn't as restrictive as I once thought. Let's take what I consider to be the most successful GPL (v2) product: MySQL*, and consider what would have happened if it had been released under AGPL instead. Since Amazon used MySQL code to build RDS, under the AGPL Amazon would be forced to release the code they use to provide the RDS service. They would not be forced to release the code for Amazon.com** however: that would clearly be outside the boundaries set out in AGPL.

Also consider that Facebook uses MySQL internally, with something like 4000 MySQL databases to power much of their site, and they've made many changes to MySQL in order to make that possible, some of which they've made public. If MySQL had been AGPL-licensed, they would have been required to make those changes publicly available under the same license.

Google is also reportedly one of the largest users of MySQL, and in a similar spirit they have released some of their tools. However, they released these tools under the more permissive Apache 2.0 license: if MySQL had been released under AGPL3, Google would most likely have been forced to release these tools under AGPL3 as well.*** And now that Google is also offering Google Cloud SQL made with GPL-based MySQL, they don't have to share their work as they would if MySQL were AGPL3-based.

All of this to say: if you want to use MongoDB to power a web app, have fun: the boundaries within the AGPL3 are there to help you, and probably won't require you to hand over your code to every visitor. However, if you see MongoDB and think "hey, that's cool, I'm going to offer a web service with the MongoDB API and become a cloud provider of NoSQL data storage, just like Amazon SimpleDB" then you will have made a derivative work, and you'll have to share those changes with the world under AGPL3.

Finally, IANAL, not in any jurisdiction, and if you base your legal strategy on lay analyses found on personal blogs, then sadly you're not alone and you're in very risky company. Best of luck, however, in finding a copyright attorney who will dig through these issues for you and give you an opinion for less than $500k.

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* The Linux kernel is more widely used than MySQL, but it's so mixed up with other licences that it can't just be GPL anymore, not honestly - and the copyrights are owned by so many different people that nobody can claim ownership. MySQL, on the other hand, was always extremely diligent about maintaining ownership of every line of code they include in their distribution (which made acquisition by Sun and Oracle all the more attractive).
** ... that is, provided Amazon.com was built using MySQL, which it isn't AFAIK.
*** They could still licence their code any other way they want, as they own it, but they'd be required to license it under AGPL3.

Webcam doesn't work in Skype, but works in Cheese

If your video camera doesn't work in Skype on Ubuntu, but it works in other applications (like Cheese), just run the following script:


sudo echo '#!/bin/bash' > /usr/local/bin/skype
sudo echo "LD_PRELOAD=/usr/lib/libv4l/v4l1compat.so /usr/bin/skype" >> /usr/local/bin/skype
sudo chmod ogu+x /usr/local/bin/skype


If you're running 64-bit Ubuntu, the path is somewhat different:


sudo echo '#!/bin/bash' > /usr/local/bin/skype
sudo echo "LD_PRELOAD=/usr/lib32/libv4l/v4l1compat.so /usr/bin/skype" >> /usr/local/bin/skype
sudo chmod ogu+x /usr/local/bin/skype


Britney's concert performance would have been impressive if she were paraplegic

She may well have been, as far as I could see from her concert performance tonight in Vancouver. There were so many different props and mobility devices onstage it looked like James Bond getting an equipment demonstration by Q in the basement of Walter Reed Medical Center. A moving sidewalk. Various suspensory harnesses, chairs, swings, rising balconies, elevators, carried chairs, motorized vehicles, and strapping porters to carry her from place to place. If she took 200 steps during the entire performance I'd be surprised. She did climb two staircases and walk rapidly across stage a couple of times, so if she is paraplegic, she uses those nerve induction thingies you see on the discovery channel.

Needless to say, singing was not on the menu. I was surprised when she showed up without a corset, as she looked pretty good. Then later she stopped sucking in her gut and, well, it didn't look so impressive. On the whole it was a disappointment, and the sad thing is I didn't expect much.

Post from prison

Mom, Dad, relax — no, not really. I just awoke from a particularly vivid dream after a great dinner with friends, a walk through a drunken throng of hockey fans, and having read a few chapters of Robopocalypse just before sleeping.

My husband and I found ourselves in a prison. A panopticon, but with chutes, ladders, padded tunnels, statuesque Stoßtruppen of both genders, and a complex system of rewards, punishments, and complex behavioural modification programs. The system caused you to gravitate towards pods of twelve inmates with whom you would serve out your term.

We arrived, and immediately Adolfo intervened in a conflict and saved a woman's life. For this, he was rewarded with a bag of clay, which, not understanding the significance of the gift, we left behind. Shortly we were introduced to our area where we were faced with a bewildering set of strange customs, conflicts, and rewards - a cushion which grants you the right to use a chair, a locker opened by blowing on a tube, a news room where you earned your dinner by voting on videos, and strange acquisitive and consumerist rules seemingly designed to break down social cohesion (which were enforced by the Voice of God).

After a time, we landed in a good pod, with amazing people who committed to look out for one other — carrying each other through particularly difficult terrain drills, holding each other through vomiting spells, and sharing our resources in contravention of the VOG. In the ensuing jailbreak, we took care of each other, throwing away our location- and activity-monitoring devices and helping each other identify the friendly prison guards who could help us to the tunnels leading to escape.

It all went beautifully until we encountered a slight routing bug in the padded transport tunnels, which caused us to merge into a stream of inmates who were headed for reprocessing. Reprocessing meant we were atomized and reconstituted as breakfast cereal. In the afterlife, we stood around drinking fruity breakfast cereal cocktails and agreed that it was a good life, and we looked forward to the next.