Bankers cautious on Eurozone breakup

While some banks are calling for contingency plans in the case of the breakup of the Eurozone, a large majority of investment banks, hedge fund managers, and responsible commentators are saying "hold on a minute."

"Where am I supposed to put the money?" said Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs. "As CEO, I'm committed to maximizing corporate profits, and while Goldman Sachs will obviously make bank on this one that will make the real estate bubble look like a pinprick, I personally haven't even figured out what to do with my bonus from that yet."

Most economists agree that a breakup of the Eurozone would mean an immense realignment of riches, and complain that the term "percent" is becoming particularly unwieldy in describing the distribution of wealth. "My friends and I can't even explain how rich we are anymore. Saying 'We're the 0.00001%' is too hard to understand," lamented hedge-fund manager Peter Thiel. U.S. lawmakers are studying proposals for mandating use of a new term "permega", in which percentages would be replaced by fractions based on a million, as part of the recently introduced Division Is So Hard (DISH) Act.

Tax experts welcome the possibility of change, saying that they are running out of zeros when expressing tax liability to their clients. "You need to pay 0.0000001% of your income in tax this year" is just too hard for many of my esteemed colleagues to follow, said H&R Block CEO William Cobb. "Keep in mind, most investment bankers have graduated in the past 5-10 years from top educational institutions in the United States, and although they all got straight As and graduated at the tops of their classes, so did everyone else."

Although momentum has been significant on the DISH act, with ten co-sponsors in the Senate, opposition is growing. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) is leading the charge against such a change, arguing that math isn't the problem and the tax code itself is at fault. "We can't keep applying the same logic, putting another zero in front of the tax burden of our nation's most productive workers. My smartest staffers tell me that by simply putting a minus sign in front of the tax rate we could reverse the trend and start getting those numbers under control, especially for workers in the affected brackets. We wouldn't have to invent a new symbol, either."

Notwithstanding these efforts by legislators to soften the blow, plans are proceeding apace to launch new currencies in place of the Euro. "We're still trying to work out how we can absorb all of the wealth of the Euro, as well as all of the wealth in the new currencies that will be introduced," said Mr. Blankfein. "We applaud the efforts of our friends in European governments to include us in discussions on how to build a variety of efficient banking systems that will benefit world economic growth."

However, Mr. Blankfein sounded a note of caution on current U.S. legislative efforts to ease the transition. "Of course we appreciate all of the help we can get, but right now that's up to the European Union. The U.S. government should stay focused on efforts to finance the next round of bailouts."

Be angry over corporate control of media, not political partisanship

National Public Radio published an article about the public's lack of trust in the media. They point to examples perceived political bias at CNN and Fox News, and the biases of the reporters in question, but they pointedly ignore corporate influence on news coverage.

But focusing on the popular political differences between Democratic and Republican news outlets is convenient for an organization like NPR, which is beholden to the corporate sponsors who pay for large 23% of its budget. One need only hear "brought to you by Archer Daniels Midland, Supermarket to the World" to understand who has influence over NPR's editorial policies. It really doesn't behoove NPR to point out that the public shouldn't trust NBC's analysis of war planning, since NBC's parent company General Electric does on the order of two billion dollars per year in DOD contracts.

The differences between Democratic and Republican policies are conveniently distracting, pitting the snake handlers vs the sodomites, the sheet-wearers vs the welfare queens, etc. Consolidation of media ownership continues apace, with major corporations effecting central control of all types of media. The recent media extinction events have helped speed this process, and media co-ops have yet to attract a major audience.

The media can't police itself, it sold us out a long time ago. But its attempts to shift the blame for its lack of public trust to its reporters and editors is increasingly obvious and ineffective.

Greenspan gets a clue after the damage is done

From Greenspan Concedes Error on Regulation in today's New York Times:

Facing a firing line of questions from Washington lawmakers, Alan Greenspan, the former Federal Reserve chairman once considered the infallible maestro of the financial system, admitted on Thursday that he “made a mistake” in trusting that free markets could regulate themselves without government oversight.

Whoopsie!

Referring to his free-market ideology, Mr. Greenspan added: “I have found a flaw. I don’t know how significant or permanent it is. But I have been very distressed by that fact."

Oh no, he's *distressed*. Well, fuck me with a chainsaw, it sounds like the poor man is suffering! Everybody should be so concerned about Alan Greenspan's legacy while we pick up the ruins of our financial system and economy. I am not sad to see that irrational cult of personality come to such an ignominious end.

Delicious Carbon for Sale or Trade

Although Canada's conservative "new" federal government is locked in a Bushian nightmare of climate doublespeak and bad science, the provinces are doing much better. British Columbia (where I have the privilege to reside) started its carbon tax yesterday, the first in North America. Today following bilingual talks between the Québec and Ontario cabinets (reportedly held 60% in French) were followed by an announcement of a cap-and-trade carbon emission reduction scheme much like those used in Europe, to be implemented by January 2010.

Even if the reactionary do nothing federal government and the oil-producing rednecks of Alberta (our esteemed prime minister's spiritual home) won't do it, the rest of Canada will – or at least 75% of us will. Canadian federalism works. It's a proud day here in our fair country.

Faux News parodies itself

A comedian decided to speak his mind at the end of a Fox & Friends segment, saying "What is Fox News, it's just a parade of propaganda, isn't it? It's just a festival of ignorance." He rambled on a bit, and the flustered host responded "you get all the news you can at Fox News," and then cut to a teaser for the next story: a promo for Captain Kirk's Guide to Women, with four buxom models.So there you have it: that's all the news you can get.

Podcasts I like (again)

I've written this before, but there have been some additions.

• StarShipSofa: scifi short stories by a (sometimes long-winded) man with a lovely Scottish brogue
• Escape Pod: scifi short fiction
• Pseudopod: horror short fiction
• For Whatever Reason: keeping up with Tim & Nanette
• Paris Djs: mix music of various genres
• Bootie USA (not quite a podcast, but what the heck): mashups
• Cory Doctorow: short stories and talks (sadly very quiet of late)
• Radio-Canada: La Première à la carte: Quotidien et commentaires de la première chaîne du Radio-Canada
• Radio-Canada: Le bulletin national: Le quotidien à dix minutes, chaque heure
• RFI: Le journal en français facile: Le quotidien à dix minutes, chaque jour

I have been rather remiss on listening to the news ever since I lost my old iPod. Although I like the shuffle, it makes it difficult to find a particular track.

This week's happy news

• We have a carbon tax! Today is a happy day to live in British Columbia.
• Oil closed at $100.01 per barrel today; so much for "just a fluke". Maybe this will prompt thirteen more people to take the bus. Food will be more expensive, but maybe we don't have a right to fresh out-of-season fruit from another hemisphere.
• The house displayed some spine, even if the supreme court sold us out on spying.
• Kosovo declares independence. Why the hell not? Infinite secession is a potential cure for nationalism.
• The tide is beginning to turn against abusive end-user license agreements.
• The government is further expelled from the bedrooms of Texas.
• Scientology further restricts the availability of its crazy course materials. On the other hand, this stuff is high comedy.

Podcast menu

Here's what I listen to on the bus and at the gym:

• Escape Pod: The Science Fiction Podcast Magazine (short stories)
  
• Paris DJs: Eclectic music mixes from two DJs in northeast Paris
  
• StaCCato: The best of creative-commons music
  
• Cory Doctorow: Short stories and talks by Cory Doctorow
  
• Pseudopod: The Sound of Horror (short stories)
  
• Radio-Canada: La Première à la carte: Quotidien et commentaires de la première chaîne du Radio-Canada
  
• Radio-Canada: Les bulletins de nouvelles nationaux: Le quotidien à dix minutes, chaque heure
  
• RFI - Le journal en français facile: Le quotidien à dix minutes, chaque jour