Shocking

Defenders of tasers invariably trot out the argument that "tasers save lives." Despite the obvious evidence, they are convinced that in every other scenario they would have used a gun and shot to kill. However, actual data shows that 79% of the time tasers are used on unarmed people.

Of course it is easier to electrocute than to negotiate. [Easy, and fun!] Most of the time it doesn't even kill the person electrocuted; they just become a lot more likely to cooperate with whatever the torturer wants. And the mere threat of electrocution serves other purposes as well. After all, police have never been known to torture or rape people, have they? No, I'm sure that just magically stopped happening in the early 20th century.

A civil society which loses confidence in its police force is in trouble. Right now there is an unfair balance of power: police carry a torture implement for which they cannot really be held accountable. Tasers which merely record the date, time, and duration of an electrocution do not also record the circumstances, the identity of the victim, the location or the reason for doing so. As such, they not only hold potential for abuse, they practically guarantee it, and the evidence is there.

Feeling bloated

Do you feel like you're slowing down as you get older? Maybe it isn't just your own metabolism – it could be the software you're using. An excellent comparison of resource consumption by Windows/Office over the past decade is a damning indictment of the horribly bloated and unwieldy state of the Microsoft desktop platform. The old adage that "Andy [Grove (Intel)] giveth, Bill [Gates (Microsoft)] taketh away" turns out to have been insufficiently pessimistic: Bill has been taking more than Andy had to give. The free lunch is over, but some companies are still bellied up to the buffet.

Ban tasers

It has been adequately demonstrated that police cannot be trusted with tasers. They are too dangerous, and police are far too willing to use them. The increasingly common use of these weapons illustrates society's increasing willingness to commit brutal torture.

Now you can watch a snuff film of police killing a distraught man at Vancouver airport with tasers: three officers tasered him seventeen seconds after approaching him, and he died.

It's not just a shame, it is shameful. How can we call ours a civilized society when we permit this?

Lesbian rules & regulations

• Lesbians like kickboxing. There is a strong correlation between lesbianism and Tae Bo.


• Femme lesbians in Vancouver can't talk about anything but shoes.


• Lesbians like Lebanese food. Maybe it's because it sounds like "lesbian" and maybe it's because they like to eat with their fingers.


• When a lesbian student raises her hand in class, she will extend two fingers together.


• Dill is a lesbian spice.


• All indie rockers are lesbians.

Please add any other rules on lesbianism in the comments. Please keep in mind that this is no laughing matter.

Cherry blossoms in amber

Charlie Stross' recent musings about his Japan trip, combined with Cory Doctorow's recent story featuring the Carousel of Progress, reminded me of an evening at the theatre.

In the Gion Corner theatre in Kyoto, Japanese Culture's Greatest Hits are performed assembly-line style twice each night. The facility has a well-worn burnish that somehow holds off shabbiness, but only just. The show is a veritable smörgåsbord with seven courses of traditional Japanese performance art; and like a smörgåsbord, it is all about the variety and quantity, not the quality of any given dish. The tea ceremony was performed with a curious mixture of precision, care, boredom and indifference, and an absolute absence of passion. The floral arrangement segment befuddled me: surely the product is what is appreciated, not the process? The thespians were variously talented and not, and the works presented in pre-digested, bite-sized chunks.

The tableau vivant rolled forward under the muted crackling of the soundtrack, the performances variously talented or not, but all held under the threat of preëmption by a fearsome narration with the comforting, terrifying verbal pacing of a postwar Westinghouse infomercial on nuclear power. The sound system had an oppressively vibrant analog complexity and gave the impression of ginormous drums of magtape rumbling inexorably in the basement.

The presentation was courteous and boring in the way of traditional tourist fare, yet it carried a dark undertone of sorrow, despair, hatred and reproach. The notes and movements seemed cast as pearls before contemptible, invading swine. I loved it.

Funky white girls

Never let it be said that Vancouver has no arts scene (despite the fact that I say it constantly). The Dance Centre is right next to our building, and we even saw something marginally worthwhile there, but when I saw this ad it chilled my blood. You see, this is the creative dance "powerhouse" made up of Amber Funk Barton, Sarah Brewer, and Cori Caulfield, and together they are Funky Brewster Cauling. AAAAAAARRRRRGHHH!!! The picture alone is enough to make my testicles retract to my diaphragm: the Stayin' Alive pose, the lime green bellbottom stretch pants... a bona-fide erectile suppressant. They may know how to dance, but obviously not how to sell their act.